Beautiful Boldness: All the Single Ladies

After yesterday’s episodic lesson to the boys, it is only fair that I reverse the roles.  Foremost, I want you, dear reader, to know that as I write this, I am serving up myself a slice of humble pie by taking my own advice.  Singleness is not the plague.  No one dies of singleness, but those who don’t take advantage of this precious season live to regret it. Guys, if you’re still reeling from yesterday, take heart because this one goes out to “All the Single Ladies”.  So, without further ado, here are a few brutally honest suggestions until “he likes it enough to put a ring on it”:

#1.) Patience, Young Grasshopper.

We live in society of instant gratification.  From iTunes to Facebook, and now Twitter, if we want something, we are just one click away from making it happen.  However, relationships (at least Godly, healthy ones) aren’t so easy.  They aren’t microwaveable TV dinners but rather pot roasts that take all day to marinate.  (Okay, now I’m hungry.)  Patience is key. If your interested in a guy, and you have subtly let him know of your interest, let him take the initiative to pursue you.  Don’t stalk him on Facebook, incessantly text him, or any other weird criminal offense that could land you in jail.  Desperate women + need for attention = orange jumpsuit.

Also, refrain from meeting a guy to marriage in 2.5 seconds. Let me clarify:

Sarah: Your name’s Webster? Webster….?

Webster: Davis.  I’m Webster Davis.

Sarah: (thinking to herself) Well, Mrs. Davis does have a nice ring to it.

I wish we all had someone to slap our hand every time we were guilty of this.

#2.) The Rise of Suzy Homemaker.

I used to cringe at the idea of stay-at-home wife.  Like seriously, who would honestly enjoy doing laundry, cooking and cleaning all day?  That was before I had a home of my own.  While I don’t enjoy the mundane task of grocery shopping, I’m now a huge fan of cooking dinner for people. Improve your marriage marketability by brushing up on your homemaking skills. Ladies, if you can’t run your house (or dorm room) now, it’s not going to magically change once you’re married. I’m sure your future husband will be ever thankful for your culinary, laundering and magnificent cleaning talents. Even if you never get married, you’ll still have experience efficiently running a household that can serve as a refuge for those needing a place to stay.

#3.) The Art of Mystery (or Reverse Diarrhea of the Mouth)

As women, communication is our strength.  However, sometimes this leads to our demise.  My beloved friend Mackenzie Wallace (not her real name) has a huge problem with being mysterious.  She’s so afraid that she can’t capture a man’s attention, that when she finally does, it’s like a machine gun avalanche of information.  I like to call it “Overwhelming Men with Your Awesomeness”.

Instead of giving him the bulleted spark notes version, give him time to discover you like a classic novel. In time, he’ll find out how awesome you are.  Retaining your mystery doesn’t mean that you avoid him altogether, but it does mean that you shouldn’t rush into talking about your life’s passions in intimate detail.  By not emotionally giving yourself to every guy who looks your way, you’re saving pieces of yourself for your future husband.  And believe me, that guy will have worked hard enough to deserve it.

#4.) Nobody Likes A Cry Baby … Or An Incessant Flirt

Manipulation is truly a force to be reckoned with.  It doesn’t help that shows like “The Bachelor” highlight such behaviors.  As women, we have the powerful tool of using our tears to make a man’s heart turn to sympathetic mush.  The problem is knowing when to genuinely let emotion escape through our tears and when we’re just aiming for dramatic effect.  It all comes down to the motive.  Are you crying because something has stirred your soul or are you using it as a last resort to get your way?  Check yo self before you wreck yo self, girlfriend.

By the way, I’ve heard many girls say, “I just get along better with guys than girls” as a just reason to why they have a plethora of male buddies and few female friends.  Why is that?  I find it interesting that the same young women who proclaim this statement are the ones who post on their profiles that they “can’t stand drama”.  I’m sorry, honey, but if you’re one chick hanging around a bunch of guys, you are inviting drama into your life.

While guys like the attention of an incessant flirt, a real man won’t settle down with one.  Leave your catty behavior at the back door and develop friendships with women of all generations.  Despite what society says, you need this fellowship more than you know.  The sooner you realize this, the less heartache you’ll endure later.

#5.) Kiss the Cookie Cutter Goodbye And Be Original.

During this time of singleness, find out who you are.  Find out what you like.  For heaven’s sake, please read books of intellectual depth.  Nothing pains me more than to see a gorgeous girl with cobwebs for a brain.  It is those women who have distracted the male population for far enough.  You can’t base the status of your entire love life on immodest clothes and ridiculously high heels.  Become a woman of substance.  One way of doing this is to take Scripture seriously.  It’s okay for women to become Biblical scholars.  Plus, men need women to hold them accountable according to Biblical standards.

#6.) Unrealistic Expectations of  Prince Charming.

Okay ladies, I’m going to be extremely frank on this subject.  Let’s talk about this whole “Prince Charming” notion.  Sure, it’s a romantic and classic fairytale.  However, as Mrs. Carol Reid eloquently puts it, “Prince Charming doesn’t exist, and even if he did, he probably wouldn’t  date you.”   I’m in favor of having high standards for my dating relationships. Why settle for McDonald’s when you can afford J.Alexander’s?  The problem with setting expectations too high is that no mortal man is able to reach it.  We are all fallible humans incapable of perfection.  If a strong Christian guy, whom you are friends with, asks you out on a date, you should go. You’re thinking, “But, he doesn’t look anything like the man I’d pictured myself with.”  Answer these three questions and if you can answer yes to all of them, YOU SHOULD GO OUT WITH HIM.

1. Is he a spiritual leader?
2. Does he treat women with respect?
3. Does he have a job?

Lastly, I’m a firm believer in mulligans.  If you got out with a guy and the date flops, at least give him another chance.  Maybe he was nervous?  Maybe he had a bad day?  Or maybe he was so enraptured by your beauty that he was unable to speak coherently.  Sometimes, you just gotta give a little grace.

And it came to pass,

~Jyess

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